101 Ways to Annoy Alice Cullen
by Kiiimberly
Summary: How to annoy Alice Cullen.


Disclaimer: Obviously, I do not own Twilight and never will.

Read and review please!

1. Lock her inside Target.

2. Lock her inside Walmart.

3. Destroy her Porsche (with Edward's Volvo of course).

4. Give her a crystal ball for her birthday.

5. Cut in front of her and drive at 5mph.

6. Tease her about her height. Call her shortie.

7. Have Carlisle take away all her credit cards.

8. Make him freeze all of them in a chunk of ice (like The Confessions of a Shopaholic!).

9. Alice will skulk and resort to frantically picking at the ice with her high heels (which ultimately, will be ruined).

10. Cut off the Cullen's Internet (no online shopping!).

11. Reduce her allowance.

12. Ask if she uses a Magic 8 ball for important decisions.

13. Accuse her of having OSD (Obsessive Shopping Disorder).

14. Tell her she's not tall enough to get on the roller coaster.

15. Change your mind a lot—don't set the future in stone.

16. Pat her on head and call her cute, just because you can.

17. Ask why she looks funny when she has her visions.

18. Introduce her to Professor Trelawney—tell her they'll get along perfectly.

19. Ask her why she's magically taller in the movies (possibly HGH – Human Growth Hormone?).

20. Tell her Bella isn't available for "doll-time" anymore.

21. Reveal that Bella purposely ripped her dress in Breaking Dawn (*gasp).

22. At Forks High School, ask her if she's in the wrong place and if she's lost.

23. Ask why she interprets her visions wrong when they're important.

24. Call her Tinkerbell.

25. Offer her a booster seat.

26. Threaten to shave her hair off.

27. Rub Jacob's scent all over her clothes.

28. Then do it all over her car's interior (credit goes to Madame Jasper).

29. Tell her she wasn't important enough to have her history told in Eclipse.

30. Steal her car.

31. Steal her clothes.

32. Steal her shoes.

33. Steal her purses.

34. Steal her Jasper.

35. Ask her how she feels about Jasper's relationship with Maria.

36. Help Edward and Bella pull a Vegas wedding.

37. Ask if she has a habit of zoning out or daydreaming.

38. Help Emmett sabotage her closet.

39. Tell her Edward wants his Porsche back.

40. Give her a pet giraffe to sit on top of.

41. Follow her around with a ladder.

42. Put a stack of books in the driver seat so she can see over the wheel.

43. Tell the Volturi she wants to join them.

44. Give her a "Volturi" cape for her birthday.

45. Give her a collection of Bella/Jasper fan fictions.

46. Tell her she's kept you waiting…

47. Forbid her from planning future parties…

48. …and weddings…

49. Ask if she lives in Pixie Hollow.

50. Give her Harry Potter's tea leaves to interpret.

51. Tell her she isn't tall enough to drive.

52. Tell her she isn't tall enough to be married.

53. Tell her she isn't tall enough to be married to Jasper.

54. Tell her she isn't tall enough for high school.

55. Ask if she saw what you were doing with her clothes.

56. Insult her fashion sense.

57. Sprinkle glitter all over her hair.

58. Ask if she can give you flying powers with her pixie dust.

59. Give her applications for psychic agencies.

60. Ask if she would like you to fill them out for her.

61. Die her hair pink.

62. Give her a rabbit named Alice.

63. Tell her she resembles it in size and personality.

64. Tell her your school is doing a play on Snow White. Tell her she is perfect for the role of one of the dwarves.

65. Take away all her left shoes (or right ones).

66. Break all the heels off her shoes.

67. Tie Jacob to Bella so she can't "see" her.

68. Tie Jacob and her together and ask if she can "see" anything.

69. Ask if she is anorexic.

70. Tell her, "Yes, that dress makes you look fat."

71. Tell her you can see wrinkles on her face.

72. Ask if she contributed to Jasper's bites all over his body.

73. Introduce her to Peter Pan.

74. Introduce her to the seven dwarves: Bashful, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, and Sneezy.

75. Tell her from now on she will be living with them.

76. Ask if she would like to apply for a handicap sign.

77. Give her the Disney's special edition of Peter Pan.

78. Give her a Tinkerbelle costume for Halloween.

79. Give her a dwarf costume for Halloween.

80. Lock her up in a zoo exhibit named "Vampire: Alice Cullen."

81. Tell her it is now necessary for her to find employment.

82. Ask her for the winning lottery numbers.

83. Ask her every single day.

84. Tell her there are Alice Cullen wannabes.

85. Tell her there are Jasper Hale wannabes.

86. Ask her why she has done nothing to prevent terrorist attacks and natural disasters.

87. Tell her Jasper kept her waiting on purpose.

88. Tell her it is her fault that Edward went to the Volturi to die.

89. Ask her to predict what Emmet has done to her car.

90. Tell her that all the malls are closing down.

91. Tell her online shopping no longer exists.

92. Tell her that Esme will not allow her to expand her closet space AGAIN.

93. Tell her Bella is wearing sweat pants and a holey t-shirt.

94. Give yourself a paper cut and wave it under her nose (or Jasper's).

95. Call her "kid."

96. Tell her she looked like a monkey in Eclipse.

97. Tell her the world will end on December 21, 2012.

98. Tell her that means no more Jasper.

99. And no more shopping!

100. Tell her that Kiiimberly is making fun of her.

101. Tell her that Kiiimberly's reviewers are laughing at her.


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